The Daily Prophet Presents: Rita Skeeter's Article Compendium
by Larraine Lynch
Summary: Rita Skeeter has been a valued member of the Daily Prophet staff since she was hired as a copy editor. Today we present to you a collection of Rita Skeeters finest work.
1. Harry Potter for Kingister

The following is a collection of Rita Skeeter articles that can be seen as drabbles. The first two were taken from an abandon story of mine.

As you read the articles, don't be too thrown by any changes to cannon. In this particular article, Harry Potter has a twin sister. Some other articles in the future I may take similar liberties.

Read, review if you want, and enjoy. And as always, if you are hit with inspiration, feel free to take any of my ideas and run with them. Too many ideas and not enough time to pursue them all.

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><p><strong>The Daily Prophet<strong>

_"Harry Potter for Kingister"_

By Rita Skeeter

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><p>Harry Potter, that one-year-old boy that managed to kill the Dark Lord when both Dumbledore and the ministry were unable, has amassed a following. Mundungus Fletcher, a former Slytherin who has selflessly decided to be Potter's campaign manager, is at the head of these individuals that have taken to painting lightning bolts onto their cheeks in commemoration of Harry Potter's first great act.<p>

It was Mundungus Fletcher who coined the term 'The-Boy-Who-Lived'. "'s catchy, ya?" asked Dung. Dung could not be more right if he turned into a lightning bolt. As catchy as Harry Potters moniker is, Dung is heading a campaign to gift a better title onto our tragic hero: Kingister. It is this writer's belief that the The-Boy-Who-Lived should be the only ruler of Wizarding Great Britain. "Only squibs leave their safety to fools that will rob you blind with one hand and lead you to your slaughter with the other," said Mundungus at his Harry Potter for Kingister Rally.

The rally took place in Diagon Alley on November 1st only a day after Harry was robbed of his parents, his sister, and his good looks (see page 19 for information on the scar that mutilated the greatest bachelor of our time and changed magic as we know it). His sister is alive, one skeptic in the back of the crowd yelled. The man was asked politely to leave the premises because of his impolite behavior at the Potter Remembrance Rally by heavily muscled trolls. After I questioned Mundungus on his decision to hold both Rally's on the same day, he said "I know if my mam' died; she would want me to become Kingister as soon as possible."

Kingister is a new title that will be bestowed on the mutilated young man if he wins the coming election for Prime Minister. As Kingister he would retain all the offices of Prime Minister with the added bonus of making his dead mum proud and retaining the office until the day he dies-again. A new flag would be created to celebrate a new age: the age of the lightning bolt. Until Potter is Kingister, Mundungus Fletcher has taken to wearing the flag wrapped around his short and stout torso. The Flag, Dung confesses, was seen by the famous seer Sybill Trelawney. If that name sounds familiar it should. Sybill is the great-great-granddaughter of Cassandra Trelawney (See page 34 for the Trelawney family history including the chilling accounts of Cassandra's barbaric use of human entrails for divination). "The stars want, what the stars want," Trelawney said, her voice billowed from behind her pink shawl, as she commented on the likelihood of Harry becoming the first Kingister. "Clearly the stars are in his favor."


	2. Crouch: Deatheater

Here is the second article by Rita Skeeter. Enjoy!

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><p>The Daily Prophet<p>

"Crouch: Deatheater"

By Rita Skeeter

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><p>The other candidate for the position of Prime Minister is Bartemius Crouch Senior. Crouch advocates on the use of unforgivable during any situation. This reporter heard B. Crouch tell his dear friend and death eater Ludo Bagman "sometimes you have to beat them into submission." Even Bagman, conniving death eater, was appalled. "But the children" he said. "Must learn their place" Crouch said firmly while smoothing his mustache. The gesture looked obscene to me. Is it possible that Crouch harbors some unnatural sexual predilections?<p>

Will Harry Potter make a good Kingister? The real question is: Do you feel comfortable giving Crouch that kind of power?

I'll give you the answer: NO.

This reporter is here to report new information to inquiring minds. Bartemius Crouch Junior was apprehended by Aurors Wednesday night at Auror Longbottom's house (For further information about the Ancient House of Longbottom see page 24). A drunken post-adolescent binge you might be thinking? Think again. Junior was found with the robes and mask of a death eater. Junior denies all affiliation with the dark lord and his fellow death eaters: Bellatrix Lestrange nee Black, Rodolphus Lestrange, and Rebastan Lestrange. Both Auror Longbottom and his wife were held under the cruciatus curse. The healers believe that they are unlikely to recover.

Whether Crouch Senior is a death eater is not the question. The pertinent question, I believe, is this: should we trust a man that cannot raise his son to become an upstanding member of society in a place of office?

This reporter says NO.


End file.
